Monday, July 13, 2009


1. I'm hard outside, soft inside.

2. I think I'm an introvert. to some of my friends, I'm not.

3. The first book i read was ... (i can't remember) its been a while, i was a walking library. i have been hooked since then when i was little and i used to finish my English text book on the day it was given to us in sch. I also used to finish my exams while the teacher was still dictating no.6 to the rest of the class so i had this superior attitude like "i am so smart". it was boring because they were so behind me. (i went to college after 4 years of primary sch)

4. I've had many friendships but and each of them is special to me but i am not good at keeping in touch. My pal boom boom was closest to me. we were college pals. we rarely see these days but i've got my memories and for now, its enough.

5. i had my first boyfriend when i was 23 during NYSC but i started being asked out when i was seventeen, but would not allow myself to get hooked. a stupid thing i did, one guy who was asking me out once, brought his father to school to see me and i wouldn't go because i did not want to have to marry him. (till this day, i don't know if he was hurt, we never spoke freely again) (mixed feelings, he was a good friend but i did not want to rush into a r/ship and not be able to come out)

6. my brother, j.j and i used to have 'a battle of the remote' thing. whoever won had control until, the other somehow got it in his/ her possession.

7. i was a really shy teenager (u wan try). i still am in many ways than one but i rarely let it show.

8. i accepted that i was a good girl for the first time this year (i just can't let go and do the stuff other folks do and i don't know why). by the way, being a good girl doesn't mean you don't play, go out or have fun, or even that you aren't sharp (i am not sharp, i am smart). it just means that you make good choices.this isn't to say that i haven't made my share of bad choices or mistakes. i have.

9. I am a Christian all the way and i am proud of it. (being a Christian i mean) . i love Jesus. i believe in him and he is the center of my existence.

10. I absolutely hate that stupid big treat burger, it tastes awful to me, i love fried chicken and chips, dodo and beans.

11. I also cannot cook for myself alone (after cooking i will not eat, I'll nap), it has to be for someone else. I'm always wondering how people say, ' I'm hungry, eh. what will i cook?' it amazes me. I'm hungry, i eat whatever is available right now.

12. I knew when i was in year 3 (after my course adviser left a bad taste in my mouth by spoiling my yr 2 results, i had to change course and change back and in Nigeria, its almost impossible purposely)that i would probably never practice the stupid course i used to love. I accepted that there was something i loved far dearly than i loved the silly course and that i wouldn't settle for less. that decision brought me peace.

13. for a number of things, i am like a tornado (unstoppable)'. i try all possible options and i give up only when i am convinced that it is not going through. i don't give up easily.

14. i worry for approximately 48 hours. once i think on it, sleep over it, talk about it, its over o. no matter what i said about it the day before, once i've really thought about it and made a decision, its settled o. no matter if my decision is a total 180 degrees from my musings the day before.

15. I'm into family and friendships, that sort of thing. this thing i hold true, that the greatest of gifts is sometimes found in the simplicity of a good friend. i also believe that your family members can be your friends as well.

16. I'm a day person. i'd work myself to the bone between 8am and 12midnight. for at 12, except in times of distress or i'm just having fun watching movies, i must sleep.

17. I've been in different places at different times and i'm a bit taken aback that i just started seeing some things clearly now. i am Latisha and i totally love myself. I'm a mix of sorts. I'm chilled but i can also be very driven. i always have these ideas that i need to work out slowly. I'm comfortable with myself and the fact that i am here right now in this century, at the age that i am now, with the wealth of experiences and the greatest God that i have, i am so happy and looking forward to life generally and totally enthusiastic, i also know that i am a blessing to everyone around me.

18. i talk about doing stuff, get people involved but i have no idea how to work it out. Then, i go on my knees and say, God, i've got such a big mouth. how do i sort this out? and it works out in amazing ways.

19.i don't know how not to take responsibility for stuff i do. when i totally mess up, i'm like, "God i need you right now". then, i say i'm sorry and try to work it out.

20. i never storm off in anger. i say what's bothering me, what i have a problem with and i wait for the heavens to fall. i stay there till we trash things out. the only time i run is when i realize that the poo poo has hit the fan, lol

21. i forget a lot of stuff. i can give out stuff and forget about it and i can eat with a cutlery and a takeaway pack and throw the baby and the bath water away. i can forget where i keep things and i am forever asking questions about everything and if you don't know me, you will just keep geting mad at everything.

22. i think aloud. talking helps me think things through, i do it and i dn't care if people think this gal is crazy as long as i can fix whatever it is i am talking about.

23. I'm in a good place right now. i have said enough is enough to, ''when will i get married, have kids, etc''. right now, i don't care. i have accepted that i am single, not terminally ill and that i can be happy. so, i choose happiness.i am so letting things happen in their own time. the things in my control, are mine to work out but the things outside my control are God's to handle. in the meantime, I'll be living la vida loca (this is perfect, this chic is so me, i dobbed it from FB and adapted it for moi).

24. my basic makeup is white powder, gloss, eyeliner and eye shadow and mascara. because, these, i can do on the run (and i break out if i use marykay, i am so not a Marykay chic). I'm sorry to disappoint so many people. the thing is, the doing for others brings me joy. For myself, i'm like, ''ooh, i'll be late''.

25. i forget offenses easily. Once i say, it hurt when so and so happened. no worries. its over. I let things go easily.

Friday, July 10, 2009

My heart is so full of love.

I have learnt how to live above the circumstances of life.

I don't care if anyone is a good Christian or not as long as God can trust me to take a stand and not be moved by other people judging me.

We are having a wonderful Christian program and God is saying i should stand firm. I am growing in grace and in favor. I have God's righteousness and that is the force that causes me to carry out acts. Not my innate goodness because no one was good enough to make salvation without Christ.

I am learning more things but more than that i am open to teaching that is based on the word of God. I am growing in the gifts of God and learning how to ignore the weaknesses in men and women.

I am blessed and highly favored in God's eyes and the waves of favor have only just started, i am positioned to receive more from the waves of God favor because God is good. I am moved by the Spirit of God and i hear

Monday, July 6, 2009

Christian can lie...

I wanted to change it to Christians lie too but its really bad, i hate it when i see peoples humanity up close

Someone i respect told lies today and these are the things i scribbled while my spiritual leader was talking to me.

“it is disgusting when people you respect tell lies because then you lose respect for them. Lord please, help me because i need your help to fall in line with your word in spite of men’s weaknesses, their crazy ego. I keep seeing weaknesses left, right and centre and it is driving me crazy”.

I also asked...

“In bible times, both Abraham and Jesus time, did men after they have made fools of themselves tell lies to get out of sticky situations?”

The part of me that was angry just kept saying, “If he has guts, let him call my name”.

Let me be honest with myself, did i trip for him? Yes, after he had made a fool of himself numerous times. He tripped die. Just like what happened when i was in college, it just makes me lose respect for Christian men. Do i still love him? Yes, do i think we will end up together? No, he’s a coward, at least he is not a pastor so i can talk about him exactly the way i feel and not be walking against spiritual authority. For my spiritual leader, i was not hurt because he is used to hurting people and getting away with it so i just asked Holy Spirit to go after him so i can stay protected. As for N.j, if he went and lied to everyone that i am telling everyone that he was interested in him, God will judge him mightily; he does not have the money or the character to hold me (i have worked through the anger now but in my mind, i called him idiot coward, if they think they can get me to break down, they would just have to try harder than that, devils free workers! Lol, i really think so because they are always in the flesh and the amazing thing is that God still speaks through them, it is frustrating). People will not believe him truly, they will just pretend to and that is the hypocrisy about Christians i hate.

To get out of this rut, recognizing that i am working on a bigger project than just this flimsy life here, working in ministry is something i think God wants me to do, at least until i hear something different. God’s divine energy is at work in me and that is what i have to focus on and not the trivialities of human nature.

Human nature baffles me, my spiritual leader tried to get me to say that God is not moved by worship, i am not in agreement because i refuse to live on my righteousness i would rather depend on the righteousness that is a gift that ensures that i am able to have righteous living and not depend on my self-righteousness. In my mind, i dredged up all his faults and the reason why he left his former church then i realized i was being a judge, what i hated and so i stopped. I am satisfied that i am saved by grace and not by my power and my might and that i know the love of God that passes understanding.

Guess what? I am tired of Christians lying but i am to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and not compare myself with the life of others. I need to focus on righteousness consciousness, as i am writing, i am relieving tension and focusing on why God brought me here. I refuse to be distracted, this is just probably another way to distract me and put me in the flesh so i would be focusing on works of the flesh instead of in the goodness of God, i live above the circumstances of life. Greater is He that lives in me than he that lives in the world. Distractions are easier to recognize.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

i was on FB and...

i saw an article on women and what i usually do is that i use it to compare me and my life and if i am living up to the expectation of the ideal woman...

"A woman can love a man without losing herself"

This stuck with me. when i was in college, i used to tell my gals that i did not want to love a man so much that i disappeared, just ceased to exist because his personality was just so much larger than mine or because he was not in support of my vision...

In my past r/ships i have not been too lucky, i have been abused, coveted like a prize and competed for. A r/ship does not complete and cannot fulfil me so what kind of man am i looking for?

i have a list o. I have met many possibles o, its just that i think i am a bit too indecisive.

so this is the complete article:

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to.
(i totally agree. even though my parents won't let me get a place until i hook up and have a ring on my finger)

Something perfect to wear if the date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
(i love baffs o, dresses, shoes, accessories and all the works)

A youth she's content to leave behind.
(yeah, even though i lost my childhood pretty early, no truth, i did not want to grow up, there's nothing like pocket money until you start earning your own money )

A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
(i don't have a juicy past, its pretty ordinary apart from some drama)

One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry.
(yes, boom boom and another ade, love them both and they are female)

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
(my make up seat, i read a book once about a lady who had an antique Louis the fourteenth seat, the French king was reputed to have bought it for his mistress)

Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored.
(not too domestic, just love exotic food)

A feeling of control over her destiny.
(we don't always have this. I depend on the Holy Ghost)

How to fall in love without losing herself.
(reminds me of this movie where the heroine in "a destiny of her own" was not rich enough to marry the crown prince so she became his mistress for life. i could do this in another life and not be bothered if i was not xtian. now all i am concerned about is pleasing God)

How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
(i don't have these skills o, i can leave a job i don't enjoy one-time, i have never had the practice of breaking up with someone i love, i won't even let the guy come close, i don't know how to confront a friend, i have been blessed with good friends and i now know how to avoid the bad ones)

When to try harder and when to walk away.
(I listen for the voice of the Holy Ghost), God has not given me a difficult life, in my life, it has always been cut and dried, i never had to fight for anything and i don't know if its a skill i want to imitate. If i had to fight for something though, i would win)

That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
(Amazing enough, once i got born again, i loved all of me including my hair, my ex was addicted to kissing my nose, i don't know what he liked in it)

That her childhood may not have been perfect...but it’s over.
(yes o, my late teenage years were not it, my childhood wasn't perfect but it was fun)

What she would and wouldn't do for love.
(i can make sacrifices, love like i am not afraid. Anyone i love will be blessed so much that i would do all i could to make that one happy and enjoy doing it. i would never compete for love, i would rather love and let go and never stop loving, thats moi, i am romantic and sometimes unreasonable. Let me just say that when i love, i love with all of me and will not intentionally do anyone i love harm, Serene smile)

How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it.
(i have the ability to)

Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.
(wish i had learnt this on time)

Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... whenever her soul needs soothing.
(i worship or call my friends, my close friends and just gist)

What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year.
(yep, i enjoy pushing boundaries though knowing impossibilities are a myth; the one to make it possible just had not been born yet, there is always a way)

Hi y'll this is moi