Tuesday, November 24, 2009
(wrote this a week ago but guess what? i still love, i will not be overcome by evil, instead i will overcome evil with good)
If you do, that's your problem. I have searched my heart and i know no biff!
What i biff?
Biff is hatred, grievance, side-talk, gossiping, hacking, slander. it is the ugly looks, sneering and harsh talk given to me by the religious people in my environment (they call themselves xtians, folks call them xtians too, i refuse to be their judge and call them non-xtians but their actions betray them and their actions judge them. i ask myself, would jesus do this?).
Afterall, what is faith? faith is the response of the human spirit to the word of God.
cos i study faith, i apply it to everything 'they asked me to be happy for her and rejoice for her'
I can be honest about what i would do. i will not hate on her. 'owe no man nothing but love'. (she's already hating on me and no longer speaking with me cos she's insecure). That, i can handle, its not the 1st, 2nd 0r even the 3rd time, whatever meen!
I will not stand in her way, neither will i be less than me for anyone's sake. she has better work hard enough so the xtian engineering can work. i will wait on God, take the insults and pray for them and watch the self-righteous heads nod in approval.
i don't need or want 'their' approval, i can live without it because they will not be at the gate of heaven waiting to let me in. thank God he is judge and walks after the counsel of His will.
When Max Lucado said, 'Religion is ugly', i did not quite get it. seems the light bulb is on though...
(watch out for part 2, i was writing a storm when i travelled so i'll be back)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
well i succeeded for 6-8 months or so, i did not flirt, did not send any messages at all, no body language, nothing.
well in sept or so, they broke up and suddenly he's around me. i am thinking he just wants to make his g.f jealous, maybe he's mad at her or something. then i heard she broke up with him and i am mad at him. everyone else is mad at me like maybe i did something to break them up.
I am not moved, i steer clear for the folks who want to eat panadol for evita's headache. whatever! Now i don't know whats up? is he still attracted to me? is he mad at me for dragging everything until its ridiculous? what excatly is his plan?
should i even bug myself about this stuff or should i enter my shell and protect myself from the fallout that may come?
I am at loggerheads with myself. i am at a cross road and i don't know what to do! while i am so not at peace with myself, he is having a field day with the gals and they are all responding. i am so tired of being jealous, i just want to be free. all the graffiti is all around me and i think i am looking stupid. if he doesn't want me, why can't he just stay away from my vicinity, i know i will not date anyone in a hurry, that is so unlike me!
i don't know if i can cope with him. he likes every gal in sight and that is mind control i think. let me describe myself a bit, i am introverted, shy, beautiful, hot, sometimes a diva. he digs me or at least used to dig me. (he digs other people too so thats not so special)
what am i really asking? am i making something out of nothing? is he just having those stupid urges that guys have when they are attracted to people other than the ones they are committed to or is it something you can make.
I love him and i am ready to be committed (i can imagine what it would take), i just am not quite sure it is possible. i so want it to be possible...
but not shaken
i still trust God
Hope maketh not ashamed!
Monday, September 7, 2009
anyway you know how gals are always angry when you don't buy their aso ebi so this chic in my office was mad as hell at me but everyone else was expressing the emotion for her and suddenly it just pops in my mind to buy her a gift... (It was the Holy Ghost)and i jump into a gift store and buy her a break fast set only a mother would think of buying. I got the idea from my mom sha (thanks mom! i love you) My new motto for the month is loving mom and grandma they absoulutely drive me crazy but you know how God says we should honor our parents, i really want to because i love Jesus.
Anyway, when i bought the gift for my (i call her a school maam)HR person, out of pure love and because i am actually happy for her, she is married to a very lovely man. anyway sha, i hope they have fun with the gift pack...
anyway the binch huffed and puffed and deflated when she saw the gift i bought the other chic, i did it from the depths of me. se i said i love because i can, the love is entering me big time...
Glad Jesus loved me enough to do what He did at the cross...
because i can
Monday, August 24, 2009
I believe God, he's said September, i wonder what He means but i choose not to be anxious. Three days ago, i was enjoying the fact that my body is slim yet so curvy, it fits anything i put on. Its a marvel to me. I have a beautiful body, i should know i spend everyday bathing and looking at my body, weird right but that is me.
I was thinking of how if i found love, it would take all the self-discipline (no, when i find the One) to follow the due process of meeting my leader and letting him check the person out.
Its something i know is useful though so i don't fall for the wrong person or get deceived in any way but in the human point of view, its like there is no sense to it as the system would not work for me. this is the argument i had before joining my church till i just let go and decided to serve knowing that worrying would do nothing for me.
I'll do it because it is a spiritual thing but i will still decide who i marry because its not my leader's body some guy would either be mauling or caressing depending on who it is and i want/need the liberty to choose who would have that privilege seeing as how i am hating contact in any form again!
i would rather HG just showed me the guy so i would not be worrying. He must be like Jesus o! aside all the good looks, smart, intelligent and god-fearing, he must be sensitive to me and patient, very patient for i am trying. it's not every god-fearing guy i want touching me (as defined by the 21st century church) urgghh!, he must be a man after God's heart. His heart and who rules him and controls him matter above all, if not i will just enjoy my life and not pick anyone.
i can hear people's minds telling me that my list is too exclusive. i never wanted to get married after seeing all the imperfections of marriage so when God (after i got saved) that it was a good idea, i think seeing that its a God-idea, can't i ask for what i want? its what i want or i'll stay unmarried. if i don't find it, i honestly won't settle down with other people's idea.
Monday, July 13, 2009
2. I think I'm an introvert. to some of my friends, I'm not.
3. The first book i read was ... (i can't remember) its been a while, i was a walking library. i have been hooked since then when i was little and i used to finish my English text book on the day it was given to us in sch. I also used to finish my exams while the teacher was still dictating no.6 to the rest of the class so i had this superior attitude like "i am so smart". it was boring because they were so behind me. (i went to college after 4 years of primary sch)
4. I've had many friendships but and each of them is special to me but i am not good at keeping in touch. My pal boom boom was closest to me. we were college pals. we rarely see these days but i've got my memories and for now, its enough.
5. i had my first boyfriend when i was 23 during NYSC but i started being asked out when i was seventeen, but would not allow myself to get hooked. a stupid thing i did, one guy who was asking me out once, brought his father to school to see me and i wouldn't go because i did not want to have to marry him. (till this day, i don't know if he was hurt, we never spoke freely again) (mixed feelings, he was a good friend but i did not want to rush into a r/ship and not be able to come out)
6. my brother, j.j and i used to have 'a battle of the remote' thing. whoever won had control until, the other somehow got it in his/ her possession.
7. i was a really shy teenager (u wan try). i still am in many ways than one but i rarely let it show.
8. i accepted that i was a good girl for the first time this year (i just can't let go and do the stuff other folks do and i don't know why). by the way, being a good girl doesn't mean you don't play, go out or have fun, or even that you aren't sharp (i am not sharp, i am smart). it just means that you make good choices.this isn't to say that i haven't made my share of bad choices or mistakes. i have.
9. I am a Christian all the way and i am proud of it. (being a Christian i mean) . i love Jesus. i believe in him and he is the center of my existence.
10. I absolutely hate that stupid big treat burger, it tastes awful to me, i love fried chicken and chips, dodo and beans.
11. I also cannot cook for myself alone (after cooking i will not eat, I'll nap), it has to be for someone else. I'm always wondering how people say, ' I'm hungry, eh. what will i cook?' it amazes me. I'm hungry, i eat whatever is available right now.
12. I knew when i was in year 3 (after my course adviser left a bad taste in my mouth by spoiling my yr 2 results, i had to change course and change back and in Nigeria, its almost impossible purposely)that i would probably never practice the stupid course i used to love. I accepted that there was something i loved far dearly than i loved the silly course and that i wouldn't settle for less. that decision brought me peace.
13. for a number of things, i am like a tornado (unstoppable)'. i try all possible options and i give up only when i am convinced that it is not going through. i don't give up easily.
14. i worry for approximately 48 hours. once i think on it, sleep over it, talk about it, its over o. no matter what i said about it the day before, once i've really thought about it and made a decision, its settled o. no matter if my decision is a total 180 degrees from my musings the day before.
15. I'm into family and friendships, that sort of thing. this thing i hold true, that the greatest of gifts is sometimes found in the simplicity of a good friend. i also believe that your family members can be your friends as well.
16. I'm a day person. i'd work myself to the bone between 8am and 12midnight. for at 12, except in times of distress or i'm just having fun watching movies, i must sleep.
17. I've been in different places at different times and i'm a bit taken aback that i just started seeing some things clearly now. i am Latisha and i totally love myself. I'm a mix of sorts. I'm chilled but i can also be very driven. i always have these ideas that i need to work out slowly. I'm comfortable with myself and the fact that i am here right now in this century, at the age that i am now, with the wealth of experiences and the greatest God that i have, i am so happy and looking forward to life generally and totally enthusiastic, i also know that i am a blessing to everyone around me.
18. i talk about doing stuff, get people involved but i have no idea how to work it out. Then, i go on my knees and say, God, i've got such a big mouth. how do i sort this out? and it works out in amazing ways.
19.i don't know how not to take responsibility for stuff i do. when i totally mess up, i'm like, "God i need you right now". then, i say i'm sorry and try to work it out.
20. i never storm off in anger. i say what's bothering me, what i have a problem with and i wait for the heavens to fall. i stay there till we trash things out. the only time i run is when i realize that the poo poo has hit the fan, lol
21. i forget a lot of stuff. i can give out stuff and forget about it and i can eat with a cutlery and a takeaway pack and throw the baby and the bath water away. i can forget where i keep things and i am forever asking questions about everything and if you don't know me, you will just keep geting mad at everything.
22. i think aloud. talking helps me think things through, i do it and i dn't care if people think this gal is crazy as long as i can fix whatever it is i am talking about.
23. I'm in a good place right now. i have said enough is enough to, ''when will i get married, have kids, etc''. right now, i don't care. i have accepted that i am single, not terminally ill and that i can be happy. so, i choose happiness.i am so letting things happen in their own time. the things in my control, are mine to work out but the things outside my control are God's to handle. in the meantime, I'll be living la vida loca (this is perfect, this chic is so me, i dobbed it from FB and adapted it for moi).
24. my basic makeup is white powder, gloss, eyeliner and eye shadow and mascara. because, these, i can do on the run (and i break out if i use marykay, i am so not a Marykay chic). I'm sorry to disappoint so many people. the thing is, the doing for others brings me joy. For myself, i'm like, ''ooh, i'll be late''.
25. i forget offenses easily. Once i say, it hurt when so and so happened. no worries. its over. I let things go easily.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I don't care if anyone is a good Christian or not as long as God can trust me to take a stand and not be moved by other people judging me.
We are having a wonderful Christian program and God is saying i should stand firm. I am growing in grace and in favor. I have God's righteousness and that is the force that causes me to carry out acts. Not my innate goodness because no one was good enough to make salvation without Christ.
I am learning more things but more than that i am open to teaching that is based on the word of God. I am growing in the gifts of God and learning how to ignore the weaknesses in men and women.
I am blessed and highly favored in God's eyes and the waves of favor have only just started, i am positioned to receive more from the waves of God favor because God is good. I am moved by the Spirit of God and i hear
Monday, July 6, 2009
I wanted to change it to Christians lie too but its really bad, i hate it when i see peoples humanity up close
Someone i respect told lies today and these are the things i scribbled while my spiritual leader was talking to me.
“it is disgusting when people you respect tell lies because then you lose respect for them. Lord please, help me because i need your help to fall in line with your word in spite of men’s weaknesses, their crazy ego. I keep seeing weaknesses left, right and centre and it is driving me crazy”.
I also asked...
“In bible times, both Abraham and Jesus time, did men after they have made fools of themselves tell lies to get out of sticky situations?”
The part of me that was angry just kept saying, “If he has guts, let him call my name”.
Let me be honest with myself, did i trip for him? Yes, after he had made a fool of himself numerous times. He tripped die. Just like what happened when i was in college, it just makes me lose respect for Christian men. Do i still love him? Yes, do i think we will end up together? No, he’s a coward, at least he is not a pastor so i can talk about him exactly the way i feel and not be walking against spiritual authority. For my spiritual leader, i was not hurt because he is used to hurting people and getting away with it so i just asked Holy Spirit to go after him so i can stay protected. As for N.j, if he went and lied to everyone that i am telling everyone that he was interested in him, God will judge him mightily; he does not have the money or the character to hold me (i have worked through the anger now but in my mind, i called him idiot coward, if they think they can get me to break down, they would just have to try harder than that, devils free workers! Lol, i really think so because they are always in the flesh and the amazing thing is that God still speaks through them, it is frustrating). People will not believe him truly, they will just pretend to and that is the hypocrisy about Christians i hate.
To get out of this rut, recognizing that i am working on a bigger project than just this flimsy life here, working in ministry is something i think God wants me to do, at least until i hear something different. God’s divine energy is at work in me and that is what i have to focus on and not the trivialities of human nature.
Human nature baffles me, my spiritual leader tried to get me to say that God is not moved by worship, i am not in agreement because i refuse to live on my righteousness i would rather depend on the righteousness that is a gift that ensures that i am able to have righteous living and not depend on my self-righteousness. In my mind, i dredged up all his faults and the reason why he left his former church then i realized i was being a judge, what i hated and so i stopped. I am satisfied that i am saved by grace and not by my power and my might and that i know the love of God that passes understanding.
Guess what? I am tired of Christians lying but i am to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and not compare myself with the life of others. I need to focus on righteousness consciousness, as i am writing, i am relieving tension and focusing on why God brought me here. I refuse to be distracted, this is just probably another way to distract me and put me in the flesh so i would be focusing on works of the flesh instead of in the goodness of God, i live above the circumstances of life. Greater is He that lives in me than he that lives in the world. Distractions are easier to recognize.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"A woman can love a man without losing herself"
This stuck with me. when i was in college, i used to tell my gals that i did not want to love a man so much that i disappeared, just ceased to exist because his personality was just so much larger than mine or because he was not in support of my vision...
In my past r/ships i have not been too lucky, i have been abused, coveted like a prize and competed for. A r/ship does not complete and cannot fulfil me so what kind of man am i looking for?
i have a list o. I have met many possibles o, its just that i think i am a bit too indecisive.
so this is the complete article:
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to.
(i totally agree. even though my parents won't let me get a place until i hook up and have a ring on my finger)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
Something perfect to wear if the date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
(i love baffs o, dresses, shoes, accessories and all the works)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A youth she's content to leave behind.
(yeah, even though i lost my childhood pretty early, no truth, i did not want to grow up, there's nothing like pocket money until you start earning your own money )
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
(i don't have a juicy past, its pretty ordinary apart from some drama)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry.
(yes, boom boom and another ade, love them both and they are female)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
(my make up seat, i read a book once about a lady who had an antique Louis the fourteenth seat, the French king was reputed to have bought it for his mistress)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored.
(not too domestic, just love exotic food)
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny.
(we don't always have this. I depend on the Holy Ghost)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself.
(reminds me of this movie where the heroine in "a destiny of her own" was not rich enough to marry the crown prince so she became his mistress for life. i could do this in another life and not be bothered if i was not xtian. now all i am concerned about is pleasing God)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
(i don't have these skills o, i can leave a job i don't enjoy one-time, i have never had the practice of breaking up with someone i love, i won't even let the guy come close, i don't know how to confront a friend, i have been blessed with good friends and i now know how to avoid the bad ones)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder and when to walk away.
(I listen for the voice of the Holy Ghost), God has not given me a difficult life, in my life, it has always been cut and dried, i never had to fight for anything and i don't know if its a skill i want to imitate. If i had to fight for something though, i would win)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
(Amazing enough, once i got born again, i loved all of me including my hair, my ex was addicted to kissing my nose, i don't know what he liked in it)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect...but it’s over.
(yes o, my late teenage years were not it, my childhood wasn't perfect but it was fun)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love.
(i can make sacrifices, love like i am not afraid. Anyone i love will be blessed so much that i would do all i could to make that one happy and enjoy doing it. i would never compete for love, i would rather love and let go and never stop loving, thats moi, i am romantic and sometimes unreasonable. Let me just say that when i love, i love with all of me and will not intentionally do anyone i love harm, Serene smile)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it.
(i have the ability to)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally.
(wish i had learnt this on time)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... whenever her soul needs soothing.
(i worship or call my friends, my close friends and just gist)
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year.
(yep, i enjoy pushing boundaries though knowing impossibilities are a myth; the one to make it possible just had not been born yet, there is always a way)
Hi y'll this is moi
Friday, June 12, 2009
like the other
the one i like won't fight for me
because its complicated
the other one wants me to close
my eyes and jump
i am in a place
where only God can make me move
i dont think i will move
even to save my own life
i trust God that everything
will fall in line
i know i can live without
the one i love
cos as dramatic as it all seems now
i know i will love again
even if i cant forget him
everything i have ever been through
will be a part of me
and make me a better person
fulfilling Gods purpose is what is important
i hope he tells me soon
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A friend of mine sent me this article which was written by a man and she told me to spread the word. . Some of the language mit be too direct or heavy but it's been a long wyl. I read something so powerful. There's only one thing he said I disagreed with and would like you to counter.
*******As Christians ,our Christian standards must be internalised to be our personal standards or we will fail in our walk with God. I therefore submit that Personal standards and Religious standards should be the same; never different.*********
Enjoy the read everyone.
Before I begin or rather let you into what I have written, I must confess that I had completed this article months ago but was a bit apprehensive in publishing it. I didn’t want to come across as being judgmental and if after reading this you feel judged or put down as a woman, please excuse my unskilled delivery, for that is not my intent. And if you feel that I have crossed the line as man sharing these with you, do not hesitate to express your disdain for my impetus.
Having said that, I feel qualified to write this as a man because I stand as an unbiased observer and also one who has had the opportunity to take advantage of these mistakes. But I must confess, we as men have been @$$#*%*$ . Where we should have given, we took; where we should have loved, we lusted and where we should have preserved, we devoured. As a Man, I must call myself to higher standards. Before I touch you, I must respect you like my mother, protect you like my sister and look out for your best interest like my baby – after all, that’s what I call you when I want you! We’ve failed to realize that the significance of our masculinity does not lie in how many girls we can dis-virgin but rather the honor we can bestow upon one. We fail to understand that the purpose of our strength and dominance is to defend and protect not to attack and destroy.
But the first mistake was not yours. You were born into a world that didn’t even give you the chance - the chance to be who you really are without any pressure or expectation. From day one you were unconsciously groomed from childhood to be an acceptable accessory to a man’s life. You were constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested your value was based upon a man finding you worthy to be his, instead of being made aware of who you are by virtue of your own unique existence. Your worth as a woman was reduced to two things; being a wife and your ability to bear a child – and in some cultures, you had to bear the right type of child. And if per chance you failed in one of these areas, you were nobody, no one – you were nothing.
Unfortunately, along the way, you may have made some mistakes in trying to fulfill this false notion of who you are supposed to be. Bad relationship after bad relationship continually emphasized the lie that you were nothing without a man. Not only do you sit there as one with mental wounds from childhood, but also with hurts and wounds that are self inflicted as you sincerely tried to fulfill the so called destiny of the woman – being someone’s woman.
As I share this with you, I do not come as one who claims to understand your plight, but rather I stand as one who has heard you. From my mother to my aunts to my cousins and my friends, I have heard you and will continue to listen whenever you speak.
That being said, I do not believe we are responsible for the things that are done or said to us, but I do know that we are responsible for allowing those things continue in us. It’s in this light that I share with you the five common mistakes women make in relationships.
1..................Your Personal Standards! Don't leave home without them!!!!!!!
By not setting your standard, you’ve just set the standard.The standards I speak of are not standards for the relationship; I speak of your personal standards irrespective of the relationship. What is your life’s moral compass? This could get a bit confusing, so let me explain. Often times, at a certain point in life, people turn to religion for some sort of moral guidance or law. It’s an acknowledgment of some sort that they have made numerous personal mistakes and are in probable search for a turn around. So you might have a young lady who’s been around the block and has now become a Christian, and professes that she will be celibate until she gets married thereby claiming this new belief to be her standard. This is a religious belief that she has now adopted and not a personal standard. Your personal standards are born and realized from within you and become your principles rather than a law. A principle is born out of understanding; an understanding of who you are and why you are here on this earth. If you are roaming the earth like a lost sheep in search of a man to give you relevance, you will always find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship with each one leaving you even more confused than you were in the beginning. But when you understand that you are not here by chance and your presence on this earth has significant relevance, the aura about you changes and the people and things you accept into your life will only be a reflection of your internal essence or your personal standard. A man can cause you to go against a belief because it was never yours in the first place, but he can never sway you away from your principle because you are one with your principle. A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions and responses. She takes charge and never leaves her fate to the opinions or actions of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every man that asks her out because she doesn’t need a man – she would want a man but she fully well understands that her worth is solely appraised on who she is and not who she’s with. She would not change her principle to have or keep a man. She’s doesn’t need to sleep with a man to have or keep him. She understands that whatever she can’t get by way of her principles will never be her own. That you are sleeping with a guy does not mean he’s yours. If you had to sleep with him to keep him, he was never yours in the first place. In the absence of your personal standards, you end up trying many things and many people, but you never experience the love that is already within you. Allow that love within to write your standards and begin to live from them. That love will never lead you astray, never ever!
2.......Why are you making excuses for him…..again?
I have come to observe that ladies often see the man as the prize. So once it looks like they have him – especially if he appears to be a good one – they want to do everything in their power to keep him. I understand that, but I don’t accept that and neither should you. You are the Prize. We should fight over you and want to do things to get and keep you. We should want to make sure you are ok. A man who loves and respects a woman will never want her in doubt when it comes her knowing of his feelings towards her. When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess - drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you - we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you. But I get amazed when ladies see the writing on the wall and continually make excuses to justify a man’s blatant abuse towards them. What do I mean? Take for instance the introductions highlighted above; He introduces you as just ‘Sandra’: you know you don’t like it, but you make an excuse within yourself and say, ‘he’s a private kinda guy, he doesn’t like to publicly show stuff.’ Really? Ok, let me ask, “Are you enrolled in midnight gymnastics with him?” In other words has he bent your body in ways you didn’t think possible? Well, there is only one thing worse than a guy sleeping with a woman in secret; and that is, a woman allowing that to happen. Before you allow a man do to you privately what can affect you publicly, he must first of all acknowledge you publicly as the woman he respects and loves. If he can’t do that, you need to tell me why you are still sticking around. How can you allow a man to knock you up when you are just ‘Sandra’ to him? You know you deserve better, so stop the excuses. Instead of making excuses for him, take charge – not of him or the relationship, but of yourself. Never remain in an environment where your integrity is compromised. Remember, you are the prize and we should work hard to get and keep you. And after all our hard work, you still have a right to say NO.
3.........Why are you looking for ‘something’ in a bag of ‘nothings?’
A few years ago, a friend who was engaged was getting ready for her wedding which was just a couple of months away at the time. She called me occasionally during the preparation process, but on this one phone call, things were pretty bad. She was mad, upset, disappointed and unhappy that she was marrying this guy. So I asked her why she was still going on with the wedding if she felt the marriage wouldn’t work out. She said to me that she did not want the last four years of her life spent with him to go to waste. Hmmm! When she said this, I looked at my phone because I couldn’t look at her (she was in a different city) and in that instant – if I had a private jet – I would have flown to her city to give her a knock on her head - not a hard one, just a gentle knock - to help tilt her brain back to the center of her skull, because obviously it seemed out of balance with what she had just said to me. Let’s think about this, You are willing to screw up the next 50 years of your life, create babies in a hostile environment with a man you despise thereby screwing up the next generation, raising kids that would need therapy for the rest of their lives based on the abuse they will experience in that home, all because you don’t want the last four years of your life - 1,2,3,4 - to mean nothing (I’m having a headache just rehashing the story). So you are trying to create a love marriage from a four year crappy relationship. Needless to say, this lady was a young beautiful 28yr old lawyer. With good life habits she could easily live another healthy 50 years (Have you seen Barbara Walters lately? She’s 80). And here you are, willing to mortgage a future on four years with this jerk? She was desperately trying to make something out of nothing. That you’ve been in a long term relationship does not mean you should continually stay in it. Unfortunately for some ladies, it takes a while to see the light and muster up courage to get out of a bad situation. But when you see the light; RUN, GO, your life deserves it. If you don’t make that change, you’ll never know what’s out there? And when I say out there, I don’t mean what’s out there in another relationship; I mean what’s out there in you that you are yet to discover. Some of you ladies are afraid – afraid that you might not be married by a certain time. You begin the calculations, ‘Ok, I’m 28 now, if I break this up, how long will it take to find another guy and get married? Oooh! It may take another 4 years and I’ll be 32. No! I can’t be single at 30.” You are killing yourself with this kind of dialogue. Like she later said to me, she always saw herself married by 29. Needless to say, she was divorced by 29. They got married alright, but their divorce was made final before a possible 1st wedding anniversary. Sometimes we allow fear to dictate what we should do. We will never get from fear what love has to give. Love is bold, confident and fearless. Why are you scared? Why are you letting fear keep you in a relationship that you know you don’t want? Why do you want to marry a guy who has already made you feel like trash? Why are you choosing to be with someone you are not crazy about? Ok, so you are more concerned about looking good and successful on the outside at the expense of how you truly feel on the inside. You are too special for that. Let people think what they think, you know what you know and that’s all that should matter. Sometimes, we don’t believe; we don’t believe in ourselves, so we settle and then try to make something out of nothing. You can’t change another human being, it’s impossible. You haven’t even changed some things about yourself; how then do you think it possible to change another?
4.........You’ve gotta think before you have his baby!
Often times when I’m in conversation with one of my numerous lady friends, something always cracks me up. I know they been having sex for years in and out of relationships and that fact is not hidden between us. But on some occasions, when I ask them if they have been pregnant before, their voice takes on a new tone of ‘How dare you?’ And then there is a resounding NO, like, ‘how could I get pregnant?’ Wait a minute! Am I missing something here? If you are having sex – sexual intercourse, you are potentially making a baby. You are filing an application. As soon as he ejaculates into you, the application is submitted and the outcome of that process is no longer left to you or him but to the Department of Conception. And if they approve it, you become pregnant whether you want it or not. Sex is not just about the pleasure derived, neither is it an antidote for loneliness. Sex is Responsibility; meaning you will have to respond to the outcome of that sexual encounter and sometimes it could be a lifetime of responses especially when a child is conceived. And when that child is born, you will forever have a symbol representing your union with your ex. Once a child is conceived, there is no moving on from that relationship. It begins the strongest bond known between a man and a woman. That man holds a special place in your heart regardless of how you feel about him today. You may have an abortion in trying to cut any future ties to this man, but may I have you know that the power of conception outweighs the power of birth. For something to be born, it has to be conceived. We are all on this earth first because of conception then birth. Without conception they will be no birth but without birth there can be conception. A strong bond is created when you allow a man’s sperm to start life within you. It is a major privilege to give to someone and not everyone should have that kind of access to you. So if you don’t want to have his baby, don’t make his baby.
5..........I know there’s Pressure, but why are you under it?
I have come to observe that whether she’s 21 or 29, she always feels she’s running out of time. One thing you must understand is that pressure is not real. You are real and when you give attention to or come under the dominance of something that is impotent, you give it potency – you give it power. That is why this thing we call ‘pressure’ has the effect it has. You give it the effect. You are the effect. Sometimes we are driven by those voices of ignorance that may have come from people we love, so we try hard to get into a relationship and make it work. “Oh! This one has to work cos I’m almost 30.” Screw him and screw 30. You are more valuable to yourself and to the world than the timeline of your eggs or your age. Your world will not come to an end if you are not married by 30; in fact, it may just be beginning!
A few years ago, a lady friend of mine, who was 21 at the time called me up to talk about her ‘man' troubles. During our conversation, I observed that she had always been in a sexual relationship since she was 15. She confessed to me that she didn’t want to be alone; actually she didn’t know how to be alone. You see, you do yourself a huge injustice when you spend your formative years interrupted. Sex interrupts. It stops your creative and intellectual development and gives strength to your emotional cravings which should still be asleep. Your formative years are years you spend forming your person and your identity in readiness for your service to the world. Unfortunately, ladies give that time and space to some guy – a guy who may not even be in your life past your 30th birthday.
Have we as men failed you? Oh yes we have! As fathers some of us weren’t present in your young life. As uncles, instead of being fond of you, we fondled you. As friends we were more focused on the benefits instead of the sacrifice. We used you when we should have added value. We took advantage instead giving the advantage.We failed you quite all right, but you don’t have to do to yourself what we did to you – You don’t have to fail yourself. You can’t afford to fail yourself. You are the door to humanity. Life has to go through you to enter this earth. Even God needed a woman to come back into the world.
There’s no need to dumb yourself down or compromise your true integrity. We need the true you. We can’t exist without you and we will adjust to whatever standard you set for us – so why make it high, why not make it YOU?