Friday, May 14, 2010

I have finally forgiven...

I got hurt
not accidentally
but intentionally

the ones who hurt me
who planned the hurt
claimed to love Christ

According to them
it was the Jesus thing to do
(Though i don't see Jesus doing that)
it was just their selfishness speaking

I felt all kinds of pain
i felt hot,
i felt cold,
i felt my chest hurt
my heart broke
in all the ways it could.

i fell ill
guess what i did
before i fell ill
i knew i was going to,
cos i was filled
with negative emotions

i could not stop me
they did not care
i was not surprised

i had already started meditating
1 Cor 13 but it did me no good
cos i read the scriptures
but all i could feel was anger
hurt at the perceived wrong
None of us won anything worth anything
but the enemy was happy

they still did not care
and i wasn't surprised
cos Christianity sometimes is a name
but nt who you are

I struggled for my faith
what did i believe?
Couldn't the word work for me?

Had God abandoned me?
it all went on in my head
but i refused to voice my doubts

Today i have lost the resentful feelings,
the envious and jealous feeling
the anger is gone
the pain is less

They wanted me to pretend
to act
i fought it every step of the way
i chose rather to be hurt
than to pretend
cos then i would have lost me
and i know who i am
i would rather have sincere emotions
than pretend to please anyone

i don't trust them
i can still love them

only because Christ first loved me
i refused to be unfeeling
because i need my feelings alive

i can't afford to be numb
God has sent good friends into my life
and he continues to blow my mind

The scriptures worked,
you see, and now i see through their schemes
It only makes them small in my eyes

But i can forgive
Because he loved me
even when i did not deserve it.


Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

Beautifully written!!!!

I can soooo feel u thru your words!!!

Myne Whitman said...

Lovely template, it was a bit difficult to read the first part of the write-up though. Thanks for sharing.

Tisha said...

thank God, it has taken a while...
i call time spent nurturing negative emotions wasted time, but i had to go through the process instead of pretending!

latishababy said...


the days i walked thru stress

i am hearing him so clearly right now
the real God is not as real to me as His voice
I aint letting go.