A friend sent this to me. her name is 'l' and she blessed me.
"The only way you can ever properly represent Jesus to the world is to let His character show through your attitudes and actions"
Sometimes this can be so difficult when Christians have set out to hurt you intentionally with premeditated plans.
But,
“Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand” (Jeremiah 18:6). In your relationship with God, you are the clay and He is the potter, and you must never forget that.
This is my confidence that i love God enough to conform to him to mirror Him as i read the word.
The desire to revenge is so intense but God knows best. Because no one is a fool. There is nothing as annoying as when one preaches the word only because they have gotten what they planned through crooked means.
It's like accepting to obey God because you have already gotten your way and that is foul play but i choose to submit to the spirit of God.
I am glad i will never be happy hurting people intentionally, it stinks!
Jesus would not do that. Tis my motto
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
My idea of God's mind for the church
I believe that this can be even with all the imperfections. I believe that God is building His church. Peace i gotta go!
THE SEVEN-FOLD VISION
Principles and emphasis:
Leadership And Corporate
We corporately seek the leadership of God earnestly for our church. We are careful to hear what He says to us. And we are meticulous in implementing them.
We don't believe in the one-man leadership, but rather the one-God leadership. We corporately seek the divine will for our church. We listen to one another to hear and ascertain what God is saying to us.
We believe in the leadership of the Holy Spirit, and giving-in to Him to move freely in His sovereignty.
We are church, more than a legalized organization.
Love And Care
People are real people in the real sense. They are not instruments for agendas. They are not vehicles to carry-out purposes. People are to be loved and cared for. We see people. We don't see set-ups.
We are people church, more than a set-up.
Spirit And Presence
We are a people who value the presence of the Holy Spirit. To us, without the presence of the Holy Spirit, it is just being empty. We don't want to play church.
We want to be sensitive to the move of the Lord, and to what He wants to bring to the church.
We are divine church, more than a club.
People And Gifting
The church is shaped by the people that God sent to us.
We are not shaped by pre-conceived structures. We are not program-driven, but people-driven.
We also cultivate the gifting in people's lives, and try to facilitate their ministries and provide room for them. We are not threatened by people who are more gifted than us. We seek to nurture the gifting in people, and support the expression of their gifting. We pray for synergy and teamwork.
We want to be opened to other outside ministries to provide a complete and balance ministry for everyone. We are open to networking to receive ministry, preaching, teaching, training, financing and manpower, from the larger body of Christ, subject to the will of God and in accordance to the biblical pattern.
We would also like to play a part in the larger context of the body of Christ. We are open to the idea of having gifted people who does not fit-in among us. We encourage and help them to fit-in within the larger body of Christ. We would also actively contribute in whatever way we can into the body of Christ as the Spirit leads us.
We are living church, more than a dead structure.
Anointing And Revelation
We value the anointing of God and His revelations. We seek to grow in the anointing of power and the revelation of the truth - more than the acquisition of human skills or the accumulation of academic knowledge.
We are spiritual church, more than a human institution.
Bible And Accuracy
We are depended on the Bible for the basis of all practices in our church.
We seek in our utmost ability to study, compare and check if our beliefs are accurately adhering to the truths of the Bible. We would comply in detail to what the Bible says about each matter, and not brush-off anything for the sake of expediency.
We are scripture church, more than a culture.
Revival And Evangelism
We believe in the evangelism that is spearheaded, supported and pushed - by a continuous move and atmosphere of spiritual revival.
However, without having the force of spiritual revival, we would still evangelize because we are obeying the Lord's command.
Our ideal is to have both revival and evangelism.
We are soul-winning church, more than a conference or symposium.
(The above is not copyrighted. It is `freely receive, freely give'.)
THE SEVEN-FOLD VISION
Principles and emphasis:
Leadership And Corporate
We corporately seek the leadership of God earnestly for our church. We are careful to hear what He says to us. And we are meticulous in implementing them.
We don't believe in the one-man leadership, but rather the one-God leadership. We corporately seek the divine will for our church. We listen to one another to hear and ascertain what God is saying to us.
We believe in the leadership of the Holy Spirit, and giving-in to Him to move freely in His sovereignty.
We are church, more than a legalized organization.
Love And Care
People are real people in the real sense. They are not instruments for agendas. They are not vehicles to carry-out purposes. People are to be loved and cared for. We see people. We don't see set-ups.
We are people church, more than a set-up.
Spirit And Presence
We are a people who value the presence of the Holy Spirit. To us, without the presence of the Holy Spirit, it is just being empty. We don't want to play church.
We want to be sensitive to the move of the Lord, and to what He wants to bring to the church.
We are divine church, more than a club.
People And Gifting
The church is shaped by the people that God sent to us.
We are not shaped by pre-conceived structures. We are not program-driven, but people-driven.
We also cultivate the gifting in people's lives, and try to facilitate their ministries and provide room for them. We are not threatened by people who are more gifted than us. We seek to nurture the gifting in people, and support the expression of their gifting. We pray for synergy and teamwork.
We want to be opened to other outside ministries to provide a complete and balance ministry for everyone. We are open to networking to receive ministry, preaching, teaching, training, financing and manpower, from the larger body of Christ, subject to the will of God and in accordance to the biblical pattern.
We would also like to play a part in the larger context of the body of Christ. We are open to the idea of having gifted people who does not fit-in among us. We encourage and help them to fit-in within the larger body of Christ. We would also actively contribute in whatever way we can into the body of Christ as the Spirit leads us.
We are living church, more than a dead structure.
Anointing And Revelation
We value the anointing of God and His revelations. We seek to grow in the anointing of power and the revelation of the truth - more than the acquisition of human skills or the accumulation of academic knowledge.
We are spiritual church, more than a human institution.
Bible And Accuracy
We are depended on the Bible for the basis of all practices in our church.
We seek in our utmost ability to study, compare and check if our beliefs are accurately adhering to the truths of the Bible. We would comply in detail to what the Bible says about each matter, and not brush-off anything for the sake of expediency.
We are scripture church, more than a culture.
Revival And Evangelism
We believe in the evangelism that is spearheaded, supported and pushed - by a continuous move and atmosphere of spiritual revival.
However, without having the force of spiritual revival, we would still evangelize because we are obeying the Lord's command.
Our ideal is to have both revival and evangelism.
We are soul-winning church, more than a conference or symposium.
(The above is not copyrighted. It is `freely receive, freely give'.)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I love you Holy Spirit...
I love you Holy Ghost
Even when i can't see
You know tommorrow
You guide my steps
You lead me
You whisper in my hears
You are my courage and confidence
You are my rock
My strong tower
My preserver
My hero
You are the one who speaks for me at the gates
You are my kinsman redeemer
My first husband
I am the apple of your eye
It may not sound special to you
Till you consider God and an apple
Nothing in common
Thank God for your love
I still thank God you found me that day
Human words could not be enough
I thank God i have you as my comforter
but most especially counselor
I can't move if you are not there
If you have not said anything
I trust You
I trust Your Love
Your son was the price
I find myself in you
In Christ
Salvation is a journey
Only the presence of God keeps me moving...
Thank you Jesus
Even when i can't see
You know tommorrow
You guide my steps
You lead me
You whisper in my hears
You are my courage and confidence
You are my rock
My strong tower
My preserver
My hero
You are the one who speaks for me at the gates
You are my kinsman redeemer
My first husband
I am the apple of your eye
It may not sound special to you
Till you consider God and an apple
Nothing in common
Thank God for your love
I still thank God you found me that day
Human words could not be enough
I thank God i have you as my comforter
but most especially counselor
I can't move if you are not there
If you have not said anything
I trust You
I trust Your Love
Your son was the price
I find myself in you
In Christ
Salvation is a journey
Only the presence of God keeps me moving...
Thank you Jesus
Friday, June 4, 2010
Pondering...
i was wondering why you would know the truth and not want to say it (I speak of God's word) ?
I did not become born again as an escape. i got born again because i was spiritually aware enough to know that God loved me and the enemy always fight the cause of God.
As soon as i decided to get saved, everything that could g wrong went wrong and i had not confessed with my lips yet, i was just willing to give it a try, everything adverse that could make me become an atheist happened.
Everything about me hit rock bottom; the heavier the boulders the enemy threw at me, the tighter i held on to God, i had not learnt about his word yet!
i am no different now, any time adverse circumstances come, i run to the word of God, now i am older, i recognize that even as the enemy threw me rocks, God always had his children littered along the way, i was always surrounded by true believers.
Because many people were faithful to God in showing me the path to righteousness, i refuse to be unfaithful to God and his plan for my life.
My self worth crashed and yet i held on, my academics crashed, i cried but i wouldn't let go, my family lost cash but i held on even tighter (i can be crazy when i believe something, i'll shut everyone else out and opinions, in my mind, its to hell with it) . I saw Christians fall away for lesser things (they annoyed me, gossiped and called me names, trivial things like that) but in my deepest moments of despair, it was to God i cried and called and after crying and calling, it would seem like he didn't answer but the answer was never one or two steps away.
my walk has taught me that God is faithful to His word, that he loves and cares about me.
when folks try to break me down, i laugh, because the enemy has thrown huge boulders at me and if those boulders could not make me fail, i doubt there is anything that can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
Christianity is not for wimps but i daresay its also not for bullies for i can proudly say that all my victories proceeded not from me but from recognizing that in my weakest moments, God was still living inside me, he never left, never bailed out.
He will never get angry enough to say 'i will break my word and leave you now', he always stayed and i thank God for that.
I bless the day i met the Holy Ghost, i thank God cos he never let me be content with playing church, or be at ease in Zion, the Holy Ghost knows how to shake me out of laxity. He knows how to push me into position, he never lets me stay in a place of ignorance, he does not let me pretend. He refuses to let me be in a place of hating, unforgiveness, anger, envy etc. He fills me with love time and again. He's always willing to teach me and i bless God for my first spiritual dad who taught me to always be willing to grow.
Every obstacle i face makes me a stronger and a better person. every obstacle makes me know that i am in exactly the right position to receive God's mercy and goodness.
My environment has been wired to bring out the God in me, all the circumstances strengthen and build me more into the christian/woman you made me to be.
Thank you father for everyday you build me by your word and your spirit
John 8:32
"..and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free"
I did not become born again as an escape. i got born again because i was spiritually aware enough to know that God loved me and the enemy always fight the cause of God.
As soon as i decided to get saved, everything that could g wrong went wrong and i had not confessed with my lips yet, i was just willing to give it a try, everything adverse that could make me become an atheist happened.
Everything about me hit rock bottom; the heavier the boulders the enemy threw at me, the tighter i held on to God, i had not learnt about his word yet!
i am no different now, any time adverse circumstances come, i run to the word of God, now i am older, i recognize that even as the enemy threw me rocks, God always had his children littered along the way, i was always surrounded by true believers.
Because many people were faithful to God in showing me the path to righteousness, i refuse to be unfaithful to God and his plan for my life.
My self worth crashed and yet i held on, my academics crashed, i cried but i wouldn't let go, my family lost cash but i held on even tighter (i can be crazy when i believe something, i'll shut everyone else out and opinions, in my mind, its to hell with it) . I saw Christians fall away for lesser things (they annoyed me, gossiped and called me names, trivial things like that) but in my deepest moments of despair, it was to God i cried and called and after crying and calling, it would seem like he didn't answer but the answer was never one or two steps away.
my walk has taught me that God is faithful to His word, that he loves and cares about me.
when folks try to break me down, i laugh, because the enemy has thrown huge boulders at me and if those boulders could not make me fail, i doubt there is anything that can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
Christianity is not for wimps but i daresay its also not for bullies for i can proudly say that all my victories proceeded not from me but from recognizing that in my weakest moments, God was still living inside me, he never left, never bailed out.
He will never get angry enough to say 'i will break my word and leave you now', he always stayed and i thank God for that.
I bless the day i met the Holy Ghost, i thank God cos he never let me be content with playing church, or be at ease in Zion, the Holy Ghost knows how to shake me out of laxity. He knows how to push me into position, he never lets me stay in a place of ignorance, he does not let me pretend. He refuses to let me be in a place of hating, unforgiveness, anger, envy etc. He fills me with love time and again. He's always willing to teach me and i bless God for my first spiritual dad who taught me to always be willing to grow.
Every obstacle i face makes me a stronger and a better person. every obstacle makes me know that i am in exactly the right position to receive God's mercy and goodness.
My environment has been wired to bring out the God in me, all the circumstances strengthen and build me more into the christian/woman you made me to be.
Thank you father for everyday you build me by your word and your spirit
John 8:32
"..and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
In my happy place...
I am not smiling or laughing
often
I am not joking or talking
jolly
I may not be very good at
people relations
Cos i have this one weakness
I never pretend
I don't have fake friends
that's expending too much energy
on what is not lasting!
I give my attention to God's word
cos i know it is truth...
I cannot be manipulated
cos i have the Holy Ghost
I have God's seal of approval
It's good enough for me...
often
I am not joking or talking
jolly
I may not be very good at
people relations
Cos i have this one weakness
I never pretend
I don't have fake friends
that's expending too much energy
on what is not lasting!
I give my attention to God's word
cos i know it is truth...
I cannot be manipulated
cos i have the Holy Ghost
I have God's seal of approval
It's good enough for me...
Monday, May 24, 2010
If i were desperate...
Some stupid idiot is prob spreading gist that he asked me out (i suspect 'd' is behind it all) they are all stupid and crazy to assume that i would settle for anything.
If i can't get who i want then i can wait for who God is sending...
(On sat after a dept meet, i saw some guy with another gal in his car heading in my direction and so i got in and he dropped me at my BFF's house, i told her about him and all the questions he was asking and she told me that that was how he was that she lived in her house in cali with her brothers and her and that he was shady and 'ish' my mind wasn't even there, now tongues are wagging again. I can't even let the guy stay in my cell, i'll talk to l and tell him to take him off my hands, i don't need stress and i need my bff's support cos she won't come to the cell if he's there. she told me 'd' must know the kind of guy he was and that now she knew 'd' wasn't born again for endangering the rest of us. I told her to take it easy and she said she knew what she was talking about. another busy day in my life defending myself again, i am fed up of this ish... they are all pushing guys at me like i said i couldn't live without a man and i am 'burning' and ish, all of them are getting on ma nerves)
My BFF hates him and i have heard his gist (totally) the one i have not heard only makes me sure that they are totally stupid, my sis would say c'est stupid.
In case they don't know me, below describes me just fine. I don't agree with all church traditions. even if m bff did like him, they must have for gotten i got raped, i would rather stay alone than hook up with any stupid fool, i am pissed.
The One that Waits... (i am very patient and then again...)
I am dominant in relationships. I always want the last word. Caring. Smart. I could be loud sometimes. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Easy to please. A pushover. I think i know everything and usually do. I am respectful to others but you will quickly lose my respect if you do something untrustworthy towards me and never regain that respect. I forgive easily though it costs me.
(If you see me, you won't believe that the above describes me, i know who i am and what i want and i can't be manipulated by anyone. My college pastor trained me just fine and i am so glad i met him when i did, he is a shepherd, if you remember i said i was pastors' pet in ma other blog)
I am careful, cautious and organized. I can be critical and stubborn about what i believe. You could mistake me for being quiet but i am able to speak well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. I am diligent at work. Very confident. Sensitive. Excellent memory.
(It shows up in my work and when my colleagues lie which is often, i have been telling a lot of white lies recently...)
I am clever and knowledgeable. I Love to look for information in books or on the internet. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. conservative, loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions but i can be emotional about the things that matter. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy (extremely) especially in relationships. really logical in thinking, always thinks things through.
(I am blessed to have met p. mo, he taught us all in our fellowship how to recognize false prophets that if a guy came to you and said he heard from God that God said you were his wife, we were to respectfully tell him we were waiting to hear from God as he had nt yet spoken to us, that God must tell both parties or else it was manipulation)
My colleagues of last week who were so mean like they were beating a puppy to death are now telling lies that i am seeing a guy with no job, no money, he does not respect spiritual things, maybe they are talking about someone else who wasn't trained by pastor mo but they are not talking about me because i know who i am
I don't even do younger guys, maybe they don't understand principles. what has he got that would make me change my principles?
my colleagues are a big joke and i hope they know i think so poorly of them...
greedy binches and silly greedy niggas
If i can't get who i want then i can wait for who God is sending...
(On sat after a dept meet, i saw some guy with another gal in his car heading in my direction and so i got in and he dropped me at my BFF's house, i told her about him and all the questions he was asking and she told me that that was how he was that she lived in her house in cali with her brothers and her and that he was shady and 'ish' my mind wasn't even there, now tongues are wagging again. I can't even let the guy stay in my cell, i'll talk to l and tell him to take him off my hands, i don't need stress and i need my bff's support cos she won't come to the cell if he's there. she told me 'd' must know the kind of guy he was and that now she knew 'd' wasn't born again for endangering the rest of us. I told her to take it easy and she said she knew what she was talking about. another busy day in my life defending myself again, i am fed up of this ish... they are all pushing guys at me like i said i couldn't live without a man and i am 'burning' and ish, all of them are getting on ma nerves)
My BFF hates him and i have heard his gist (totally) the one i have not heard only makes me sure that they are totally stupid, my sis would say c'est stupid.
In case they don't know me, below describes me just fine. I don't agree with all church traditions. even if m bff did like him, they must have for gotten i got raped, i would rather stay alone than hook up with any stupid fool, i am pissed.
The One that Waits... (i am very patient and then again...)
I am dominant in relationships. I always want the last word. Caring. Smart. I could be loud sometimes. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Easy to please. A pushover. I think i know everything and usually do. I am respectful to others but you will quickly lose my respect if you do something untrustworthy towards me and never regain that respect. I forgive easily though it costs me.
(If you see me, you won't believe that the above describes me, i know who i am and what i want and i can't be manipulated by anyone. My college pastor trained me just fine and i am so glad i met him when i did, he is a shepherd, if you remember i said i was pastors' pet in ma other blog)
I am careful, cautious and organized. I can be critical and stubborn about what i believe. You could mistake me for being quiet but i am able to speak well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. I am diligent at work. Very confident. Sensitive. Excellent memory.
(It shows up in my work and when my colleagues lie which is often, i have been telling a lot of white lies recently...)
I am clever and knowledgeable. I Love to look for information in books or on the internet. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. conservative, loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions but i can be emotional about the things that matter. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy (extremely) especially in relationships. really logical in thinking, always thinks things through.
(I am blessed to have met p. mo, he taught us all in our fellowship how to recognize false prophets that if a guy came to you and said he heard from God that God said you were his wife, we were to respectfully tell him we were waiting to hear from God as he had nt yet spoken to us, that God must tell both parties or else it was manipulation)
My colleagues of last week who were so mean like they were beating a puppy to death are now telling lies that i am seeing a guy with no job, no money, he does not respect spiritual things, maybe they are talking about someone else who wasn't trained by pastor mo but they are not talking about me because i know who i am
I don't even do younger guys, maybe they don't understand principles. what has he got that would make me change my principles?
my colleagues are a big joke and i hope they know i think so poorly of them...
greedy binches and silly greedy niggas
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
okay s**t happened...
okay so it was showdown at the office
i had some training
i saw the ugliness of humanity
They stood up
They talked
My body grew cold
as i heard word after word
meant to destabilize me
i talked to no one
and then Mr. j
is asking me stupid questions
I grow cold and numb
at his questions
Motive: To hurt, to break, to destroy!
(Holy Ghost i thank God you love m
You know i don't deserve the way you
love me)
How could he even think to hurt
me like that?
After that direct attack
Everyone else was directing their talk at me
But they did not call my name and ask
me inane questions intended to hurt
I ask myself:
"Why the heck did you ever want to be a Christian when they don't think twice about hurting you?"
"Jesus on the Cross convinced me, Jesus had nothing to do with what they did. It is because they don't know who they are that they act this way and they want what they want"
i told myself even though i was still hurt, your motive is God, don't cry, hold on, if you break down, they will never stop acting this way; they will know they have your button, and they would be remote controlling you everyday.
I just focused and tried to learn something after that because i just felt everyone else was talking about me no matter what they said.
Was i hurt? Yeah
Was i broken? No
Was i convinced about what they wanted me to be convinced about? No, i just saw their insecurities clearly. I am so glad God worked thru my forgiveness issues cos i would not have been able to answer people i was not already praying for?
Praying for people helps you forget, you see them thru the eyes of Jesus.
they hurt me so bad like i said my pain factor has risen again.
My confidence is that "Greater is He who lives in me than he who lives in the world..."
He just felt like hurting me and they had already been annoying me because they were talking perverse talk all the time for about an hour and then they started talking about me in my front, referring to me and trying to hurt me, it was the grace of God i did not respond.
I also had expo, i heard 'fight' in my spirit three days ago and i wondered, 'are they fighting someone where my loved ones are or is someone planning a fight with me?'
I wondered and wondered and then i prayed, this is why i could not respond.
Holy Spirit, i love you, help me to be sensitive to you constantly!
i had some training
i saw the ugliness of humanity
They stood up
They talked
My body grew cold
as i heard word after word
meant to destabilize me
i talked to no one
and then Mr. j
is asking me stupid questions
I grow cold and numb
at his questions
Motive: To hurt, to break, to destroy!
(Holy Ghost i thank God you love m
You know i don't deserve the way you
love me)
How could he even think to hurt
me like that?
After that direct attack
Everyone else was directing their talk at me
But they did not call my name and ask
me inane questions intended to hurt
I ask myself:
"Why the heck did you ever want to be a Christian when they don't think twice about hurting you?"
"Jesus on the Cross convinced me, Jesus had nothing to do with what they did. It is because they don't know who they are that they act this way and they want what they want"
i told myself even though i was still hurt, your motive is God, don't cry, hold on, if you break down, they will never stop acting this way; they will know they have your button, and they would be remote controlling you everyday.
I just focused and tried to learn something after that because i just felt everyone else was talking about me no matter what they said.
Was i hurt? Yeah
Was i broken? No
Was i convinced about what they wanted me to be convinced about? No, i just saw their insecurities clearly. I am so glad God worked thru my forgiveness issues cos i would not have been able to answer people i was not already praying for?
Praying for people helps you forget, you see them thru the eyes of Jesus.
they hurt me so bad like i said my pain factor has risen again.
My confidence is that "Greater is He who lives in me than he who lives in the world..."
He just felt like hurting me and they had already been annoying me because they were talking perverse talk all the time for about an hour and then they started talking about me in my front, referring to me and trying to hurt me, it was the grace of God i did not respond.
I also had expo, i heard 'fight' in my spirit three days ago and i wondered, 'are they fighting someone where my loved ones are or is someone planning a fight with me?'
I wondered and wondered and then i prayed, this is why i could not respond.
Holy Spirit, i love you, help me to be sensitive to you constantly!
Friday, May 14, 2010
I have finally forgiven...
I got hurt
not accidentally
but intentionally
the ones who hurt me
who planned the hurt
claimed to love Christ
According to them
it was the Jesus thing to do
(Though i don't see Jesus doing that)
it was just their selfishness speaking
I felt all kinds of pain
i felt hot,
i felt cold,
i felt my chest hurt
my heart broke
in all the ways it could.
i fell ill
guess what i did
before i fell ill
i knew i was going to,
cos i was filled
with negative emotions
i could not stop me
they did not care
i was not surprised
i had already started meditating
1 Cor 13 but it did me no good
cos i read the scriptures
but all i could feel was anger
hurt at the perceived wrong
None of us won anything worth anything
but the enemy was happy
they still did not care
and i wasn't surprised
cos Christianity sometimes is a name
but nt who you are
I struggled for my faith
what did i believe?
Couldn't the word work for me?
Had God abandoned me?
it all went on in my head
but i refused to voice my doubts
Today i have lost the resentful feelings,
the envious and jealous feeling
the anger is gone
the pain is less
They wanted me to pretend
to act
i fought it every step of the way
i chose rather to be hurt
than to pretend
cos then i would have lost me
and i know who i am
i would rather have sincere emotions
than pretend to please anyone
i don't trust them
i can still love them
only because Christ first loved me
i refused to be unfeeling
because i need my feelings alive
i can't afford to be numb
The scriptures worked,
you see, and now i see through their schemes
It only makes them small in my eyes
But i can forgive
Because he loved me
even when i did not deserve it.
not accidentally
but intentionally
the ones who hurt me
who planned the hurt
claimed to love Christ
According to them
it was the Jesus thing to do
(Though i don't see Jesus doing that)
it was just their selfishness speaking
I felt all kinds of pain
i felt hot,
i felt cold,
i felt my chest hurt
my heart broke
in all the ways it could.
i fell ill
guess what i did
before i fell ill
i knew i was going to,
cos i was filled
with negative emotions
i could not stop me
they did not care
i was not surprised
i had already started meditating
1 Cor 13 but it did me no good
cos i read the scriptures
but all i could feel was anger
hurt at the perceived wrong
None of us won anything worth anything
but the enemy was happy
they still did not care
and i wasn't surprised
cos Christianity sometimes is a name
but nt who you are
I struggled for my faith
what did i believe?
Couldn't the word work for me?
Had God abandoned me?
it all went on in my head
but i refused to voice my doubts
Today i have lost the resentful feelings,
the envious and jealous feeling
the anger is gone
the pain is less
They wanted me to pretend
to act
i fought it every step of the way
i chose rather to be hurt
than to pretend
cos then i would have lost me
and i know who i am
i would rather have sincere emotions
than pretend to please anyone
i don't trust them
i can still love them
only because Christ first loved me
i refused to be unfeeling
because i need my feelings alive
i can't afford to be numb
God has sent good friends into my lifeand he continues to blow my mind
The scriptures worked,
you see, and now i see through their schemes
It only makes them small in my eyes
But i can forgive
Because he loved me
even when i did not deserve it.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
its been a while
I am restless
i wanna kick some one
i wanna scream
shout
i am restless
i want tolet go
and justjump and shout
gone shopping
it doesn't take off
thepressure like
when i was younger
i want to
i am not sure what
i am impatient
lord teach me patience
teach me humility
i want to be different
its not that i don't like me
but so much of me is locked
uptight
i wanna be free to be me
more
more
more
i am not sure what i want
but,
i want to really
live
to live life
to be happy
i am under
a certain pressure
i am going thru stuff
i don't understand
i need answers
i need God
he's always stepped in before
when i was in
uncharted waters
am i being too
independent
is there no room for him?
I love you Lord
tell me what i need to know
i feel pressure everyday
part of me understands
but i love to see
things clearly...
i am searching
for knowledge
i guess
i must grow
again
i wanna kick some one
i wanna scream
shout
i am restless
i want to
and just
gone shopping
it doesn't take off
the
when i was younger
i want to
i am not sure what
i am impatient
lord teach me patience
teach me humility
i want to be different
its not that i don't like me
but so much of me is
up
i wanna be free to be me
more
more
more
i am not sure what i want
but,
i want to really
live
to live life
to be happy
i am under
a certain pressure
i am going thru stuff
i don't understand
i need answers
i need God
he's always stepped in before
when i was in
uncharted waters
am i being too
independent
is there no room for him?
I love you Lord
tell me what i need to know
i feel pressure everyday
part of me understands
but i love to see
things clearly...
i am searching
for knowledge
i guess
i must grow
again
Monday, March 22, 2010
i wanted to be like them
i got so angry at a point
i wanted to play their game
it back fired
broke down physically
i knew i couldn't play their game
good friends have advised me to not g o that way
i wanted to play their game
it back fired
broke down physically
i knew i couldn't play their game
good friends have advised me to not g o that way
Saturday, February 6, 2010
she thinks she's won
This silly chic thinks she can cosy up to me and become friends, me i no gree o. I mean you can't bad mouth me and do all the evil things you think possible and dedicate a whole devotion time to telling me that only me is going to suffer and that i am goign to hell and all of a sudden, you are using every opportunity to touch me (girl are you gay?). If you don't back off, i will holler rape or something alarming sha.
A drastic change like that is definitely not real and not cool at all. i don't hate you but please don't be hypocritical enough to pretend to be my friend. she think say i go die for dec, she shock when she see me, i mean she literally was in shock and i was hurt first two weeks of jan, till i kon dey chant 1 cor 13 all through last two weeks of dec and 1st 2 weeks of jan b4 i kon see road. when many people hate you at once and pretend, its difficult to deal with but with the word of God, anything is possible.
I love em but how many weekends or slumber parties did you think david had with saul after saul tried to kill him, you can't let your guard down and i am not planning to. The man wey we dey fight for, na wa o. i no wan fight but the gal no gree me o, its like her only chance to get married.
for where we dey pray, they dey dodge the word of God steadily make they fit do wetin they want. they go talk faith, talk doubt, talk faith again, talk doubt again, they tire me. me i just dey meditate and dey careful wetin i hear and wetin i how i dey hear. i dey like statue, i don believe God and i no dey change my mind again. God's anointing is so refreshing when you consider the world and its pressures.
well, i am getting visions again but will not be writing about them. i am only praying for the body of Christ to be strengthened and the ones working for the enemy to be washed away in the shaking or repent. My strength is in patience, kindness and understanding.
Testimony time will soon be here because i have heaven's backing and my r/ship with the h.g is tighter.
Holy spirit for vex for me if he be man, i am always asking 'are you speaking?' and 'please speak to me, have i offended you?'. I sound clingy abi, but with the h.g i don't care o, i will be as clingy as i choose cos he is my direction.
A drastic change like that is definitely not real and not cool at all. i don't hate you but please don't be hypocritical enough to pretend to be my friend. she think say i go die for dec, she shock when she see me, i mean she literally was in shock and i was hurt first two weeks of jan, till i kon dey chant 1 cor 13 all through last two weeks of dec and 1st 2 weeks of jan b4 i kon see road. when many people hate you at once and pretend, its difficult to deal with but with the word of God, anything is possible.
I love em but how many weekends or slumber parties did you think david had with saul after saul tried to kill him, you can't let your guard down and i am not planning to. The man wey we dey fight for, na wa o. i no wan fight but the gal no gree me o, its like her only chance to get married.
for where we dey pray, they dey dodge the word of God steadily make they fit do wetin they want. they go talk faith, talk doubt, talk faith again, talk doubt again, they tire me. me i just dey meditate and dey careful wetin i hear and wetin i how i dey hear. i dey like statue, i don believe God and i no dey change my mind again. God's anointing is so refreshing when you consider the world and its pressures.
well, i am getting visions again but will not be writing about them. i am only praying for the body of Christ to be strengthened and the ones working for the enemy to be washed away in the shaking or repent. My strength is in patience, kindness and understanding.
Testimony time will soon be here because i have heaven's backing and my r/ship with the h.g is tighter.
Holy spirit for vex for me if he be man, i am always asking 'are you speaking?' and 'please speak to me, have i offended you?'. I sound clingy abi, but with the h.g i don't care o, i will be as clingy as i choose cos he is my direction.
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